20 Questions All Couples Should Answer Before Getting Hitched

BY BETHANY HEITMAN

If you’ve gotten to the stage where you are considering marriage, chances are you and your partner have had lots of deep convos. Maybe you’ve shared your hopes and dreams and vented about your pet peeves and frustrations. 

But, if you’re taking that big next step, it’s important to go even deeper and make sure you each understand where the other person stands on some very key life issues. After all, you don’t want to find out after saying “I do” that you have radically different viewpoints on finances—can you imagine the stress that could cause?!

Along with money, research shows that it’s crucial to discuss sex and and children (not just if you want to have them, but how you’d want to raise them!). Another smart topic to chat about is health and wellness. That’s because you spend more time with a spouse than anyone else and you need them to be the MVP of your support crew. If they aren’t on the same page as you when it comes to how you keep your body and mind in tip top shape? Well, it’s going to be tough. 

With these important topics in mind, we’ve curated a list of questions that can get you and your love chatting about the things that can make (or break!) a relationship. How you approach them is up to you—open a bottle of wine and run through the list all at once, or break them up and discuss them over time.  

Photo by Sandy Millar

MONEY AND WORK

We’ve already mentioned that money can be a big point of contention within a marriage. So, it’s best to really chat about it before tying the knot. And, what goes hand-in-hand with moola? Work, of course—how you work, when you work, all those things are crucial to discuss. 

❫ What is our combined income? Where do you see that income being in a year? How about in ten years? 

❫ What are the things we absolutely have to spend money on each month? What percentage of our income do you think should go to those things? 

❫ After basic needs are covered, what are the things we’d like to spend our money on? 

❫ How much time will each of us spend at work? What do our working hours look like? 

❫ How do we define ambition? Are you comfortable with each other’s level of ambition and drive? 

HEALTH, WELLNESS AND SPIRITUALITY

You and your partner don’t need to be on the exact same page when it comes to wellness, but it is important to figure out if you’re even reading the same book. These questions suss that out. 

⚆ Do we both agree with how the other person approaches their health? Are there any habits that concern us?

⚆ If one of us is engaging in unhealthy behavior, is it okay for the other person to bring it up? How do we want the other person to surface the issue?

⚆ Will we eat most meals together? Who will do the food shopping and cooking? Are there any dietary guidelines we want to follow?  

⚆ Is taking care of our individual mental health a priority? What do we do to take care of our mental health? 

⚆ How does religion fit into our lives? Is it important that both people participate in religious practice and/or activities?

Photo by Octavio Fossatti

SEX AND AFFECTION

Intimacy isn’t the only thing that’s important in a marriage, but it’s certainly on the list. Being clear about what you both need when it comes to physical affection can help prevent miscommunication and hurt feelings. 

❖ How important is physical affection? How do we feel about public displays of affection? 

❖ Are we satisfied with how often we engage in sex and intimacy? How often would we ideally have sex? 

❖ If we go through periods of time when our libidos don’t align, how will we approach that? 

❖ Are there any boundaries that are fully off limits when it comes to sex? 

Photo by Simon Berger

CHILDREN, FAMILY AND FRIENDSHIPS

There may only be two of you in a marriage, but there is a whole cast of supporting characters around you. Do you understand what you want those relationships to look like? These questions guide you and ensure you do.  

❫ What role do our families play in our lives? How often will we see them? What will our approach to holidays be?  

❫ Are children on the table? If so, how many? When do we want to have children? 

❫ If we have children, how will we split up the responsibilities? Will one of us be the primary caretaker? How will we approach childcare? 

❫ If we have children, how will we discipline them? 

❫ What role do our friends play in our lives? How often will we spend time with friends together? How important is it that we each get alone time with our respective friends?

Bethany Heitman, Contributor