3 Ways To Stop Letting Your Weight Define You
BY JEN WIDERSTROM
I’m a naturally muscular, 145-pound woman—I ‘ve even joked over the years with my sister that, with our Swedish-Germans roots, we’re sturdy women who are built for reproduction and hard labor —and yet so much of my value on television, especially when I was on American Gladiators was tied to my appearance. I had to be strong, obviously, but I also felt a lot of pressure to be smaller and very lean. I followed strict diets so that I could feel fit enough to be in the outfits I needed to wear for TV, photo shoots and appearances—and then binged because I’d be training so hard and was literally starving.
I lived in extremes, constantly condemning and shaming myself into a very unhappy place. It got to the point where I was ready to start throwing up after I ate. When that thought came into my mind, it was sobering because I realized if I let this become my new normal, I’d lose a piece of who I am forever. From that point on, I started to cultivate a better headspace for myself. And now, as a trainer, I continue to use the same steps I used to get out of my own spiral and impart them on my clients to bring them a greater, more balanced physical and emotional perception of health.
GET OUT OF THE CYCLE OF COMPARING
On a regular basis, I find myself teaching how harmful comparing yourself to other people can be. It’s such a relevant topic. It’s easy to be like, “Wow, my butt doesn’t look as (fill in the blank) as that chick’s does” or “Ugh, my arms will never look like that.” I think the comparisons are naturally going to happen. So if we know we’re going to assess ourselves, we’ve got to change the conversation. When you see someone, instead of saying, “I wish I had her hair,” say, “Wow, what beautiful hair. What can I do to improve my own?”
You’re never going to look like me, and I’m never going to look like you, so don’t let comparison spiral into feelings of self-doubt. Instead, turn your words into appreciation and action.
Photo by Jana Sabeth
USE THE SCALE AS FEEDBACK— AND NOTHING MORE
My recommended strategy here depends on you. If you know you get into an obsessive headspace when you weigh yourself daily, only step on the scale once or twice a month—tops. (And also keep in mind that “gaining” a few pounds is no reason to panic—it could just mean you’re really well hydrated, you’ve increased your lean muscle mass or even that you’re due for number two!)
If, on the other hand, you’re someone who has avoidance tendencies, I recommend weighing yourself once a week or even every day. The trick here becomes using the number as feedback, and nothing else. We often allow the voice of our emotional inner censor to be louder than the practical one, but you have the power to look at information—even when you don’t necessarily like it—and say, “How do I feel? What decisions have I made this week? And what can I do to make myself feel better next week?” That way you’re a part of your solution, versus a part of what’s going to set you back.
INVEST IN YOURSELF
Initially at least, making healthy choices has nothing to do with the outside and has everything to do with saying, “I’m going to choose three things this week that make me happy and that bring out my best qualities.” That could be 20 minutes of walking a day, that could be drinking a certain amount water, that could be sending a letter to one of your best friends. When you make decisions that make you feel good, you’ll end up with a life you’re proud of— because good decisions make you happy and beget more good decisions to help keep you feeling that way. Looks are one thing, by the way you spend you life is your legacy and that is where you need to spend time developing yourself.
Coming from a trainer this may be an unpopular statement, but at the end of the day, who cares if you could lose a few more pounds? It’s so much more important to honor your shape, your happiness and who you are.
Jen Widerstrom, Founder
P.S. Remember that no matter what you're going through right now, you don't have to do it alone! There are others like you in our community, where we interact on a daily basis, fight our demons, share our victories, and watch over each other as friends and accountability partners.
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