Creating Space for Change

BY RACHEL BALKOVEC

(part one)

Through this blog, I hope to become your fairy changemother, granting you permission to CHANGE. This is a two-parter… so settle in. ;)

“Congratulations on Your Divorce!”

I was on a call with a woman whom I am mentoring. Her facial expression was one of confusion at first…

“...Huh???” she said

But it quickly turned into a smile and laughter because anyone who has made an important decision like ending a marriage knows that it takes months, years and maybe even decades to peel back the layers and ask yourself what it is you really want to move away from a bond that strong. Anyone who invests that much time into self reflection and has the courage to make a move like that deserves a high five and hug!

“Thank you!!!!” She said I was the first person to have congratulated her on her divorce.

When I’m not busy in season with coaching professional baseball, I’m mentoring women. While most people would assume that I’m pushing them to persevere through the tough times they are experiencing (“KEEP GOING! YOU GOT THIS!”), I’m usually asking them to quit their job, move to another city or leave their significant other.

After reflecting on what you want in your life (that topic deserves a whole separate blog) the first step to making change isn’t taking action – it’s creating space.

I am guilty of giving up. Many Times. My resume is a story of perseverance and grit – and also, a story of quitting. Take a look, the quitting speaks for itself. I’ve held 12 jobs in the 14 years of my career. I’ve moved just as many times. I’ve left a 5 year relationship that was headed for marriage and stopped a master’s degree 80% of the way done. From a 10,000 foot view of my career, the accolades are many. I’ve made history twice in professional sports and built an unprecedented career as a woman in professional baseball. However, if you take a closer look, you’ll see how many times I’ve had to leave something behind so I can make room for something else.

This comes naturally to me, but many struggle with making the space in their proverbial “closet” to add their new purchases. Here is a very tangible and relatable example:

That dress you dropped off at Goodwill last weekend was a BOMB dress. You had fun in that dress. You traveled with her, traipsed around Vegas with her, spilled tequila on her, took her to the dry cleaners to get puke off of her and even picked up a few guys with her. That dress was a fucking blast. But….you don’t wear that dress any more because you stopped drinking as much. You don’t go to Vegas any more…you don’t even really fit in that dress any more (did you ever? 😉). So you dropped it at Goodwill. But DAMN. That dress was awesome and really served its purpose in your life. You’ll always remember that dress fondly.

Now let me tell you about a friend that I had. We became friends my freshman year of college. She was a BOMB roommate. I had fun with her, traveled with her, traipsed around Vegas with her, spilled tequila on her, took her home from the bar to get puke off of her and even picked up a few guys with her. That girl was a blast. But…I don’t drink as much, I don’t go to Vegas anymore, I don’t even really fit with her lifestyle any more. So, we gradually stopped talking over time. But DAMN. That girl was a good time and our friendship really served a purpose in my life when we were close. In fact, I learned how to shape my eyebrows from her! I’ll always remember her fondly (especially when I look at my brows), and would grab lunch to catch up with her if the opportunity presented itself!

Hmmm…those stories sound extremely similar, right? We often clean out our closets with little to no guilt or emotion, but for some reason jobs and friends are, “‘til death do us part.” Why? Because they usually involve someone else’s feelings or opinions. But just like our taste in fashion, our taste in career pursuits, friends and lovers changes as well.

Rachel Balkovec, Platfor(u)m Submission

P.S. Remember that no matter what you're going through right now, you don't have to do it alone! There are others like you in our community, where we interact on a daily basis, fight our demons, share our victories, and watch over each other as friends and accountability partners.

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