Prioritize Your Mental Health with Emotional Push-Ups
BY BETHANY HEITMAN
When you think of the word strength, what pops into your head? Is it how much you can deadlift? Or how fast you finish a 5K? There’s no doubt these things factor into your physical prowess. But there’s another type of strength that is equally important—your emotional strength.
Don’t get us wrong, exercise can absolutely boost your mental health. Anyone who has ever done yoga and felt calmer after a long, stressful day knows this to be true. In fact, studies have consistently shown that as little as 20 to 30 minutes of exercise can lead to a reduction in stress and a more positive life outlook.
All of this said, only physically working out is not the best way to ensure you are mentally healthy. In the same way you workout your body to boost it’s fortitude, you need to do things that actively strengthen your mind.
With this in mind, we asked five women to share the things they do to build emotional muscle—consider these tactics emotional push-ups, if you will.
Write It Down
“If I am being honest, for a long time I ran from my problems. I wasn’t happy in my relationship and my gut was telling me I needed to end it, but I didn’t want to deal with it. I had a high-powered job and threw myself into it, rather than deal with the issues in my personal life. At the same time, I became really obsessed with wellness treatments. I’d get facials and try all the trendiest workouts. I think I thought that if I could throw myself into these self-care practices it may erase what was happening at home. It didn’t. I’m a fairly logical and methodical thinker, so one day when I was really frustrated, I sat and started writing. I made a list of what I felt was missing in my relationship and what I felt I needed to be happy. Putting it all on paper did a few things for me: First, it helped me clearly think about my needs. But it also forced me to really think about how I was contributing to the unhappy spot my love life was in. By owning it, I was able to make the decision that I had been putting off for so long. It was like I had finally looked in the mirror and could no longer ignore what I saw. Now, anytime I have a tough emotional decision to make, I start by writing things down.” —Alicia, 38
Photo by Conscious Design
Make Yourself Meditate
“For years I was that person who said, I can’t meditate. But when the pandemic started, I found myself really struggling emotionally. I had so much anxiety and my new work-from-home situation made it feel like I was tethered to my job 24-7. The noise inside my brain was overwhelming and I realized I wasn’t giving myself any breaks. If I was doing a workout in my living room, I’d still check my phone constantly. When I was watching television, I was still working on my laptop. Seeing how distressed I was, a friend suggested I try a guided meditation app. I started with simple 3-minute sessions. I had to force myself to do it at first and my brain definitely wandered, especially in the beginning. I’d start thinking about what I was going to make for dinner or what emails I needed to answer. But when those thoughts crept in, I would force myself to acknowledge them and then let them go. Slowly, I added more minutes per day. I now meditate for 30 minutes each morning. As a marathon runner, I was always in the habit of taking rest days to let my body recover. These daily 30-minute meditations feel similar—I’m giving my brain a break from all the noise and my mental health has never been better.” —Susan, 43
Set Boundaries
“I hate to admit it, I am a total people pleaser and have a really hard time saying no if someone I love needs something from me. If a neighbor would ask me to water her plants while she was away, I’d say yes even if I didn’t have time. Once, my sister invited me over to her house for a dinner party for my birthday and then asked me to do the cooking. I didn’t even blink before saying okay—despite the fact that I didn’t want to. I’d complain about it all to my best friend, who would gently try to nudge me to stop putting myself out for others. One day she asked me, what would happen if you said no? It was a lightbulb moment. I realized nothing would happen. My neighbor could find someone else to take care of her plants. My sister could have ordered takeout for my birthday dinner. What’s more, I came to understand that by asking me to help them, other people were looking out for their own best interests—so why wasn’t I doing the same for myself? I slowly began setting firm boundaries. For example, I refuse to take work meetings after 5:00pm. This helps protect my ‘me time.’ And, if someone asks me to help them, before I answer, I really think hard about whether helping that person is worth putting myself out. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes it’s no. Setting boundaries may never get easier for me, but it’s a muscle that I am committed to continuing to flex—because it’s much better for my sanity.” —Claire, 35
Spend Some Time Alone
“As a mom, I feel like I am constantly putting other people first. If my kids need something, I drop everything to help them. After that, my job takes priority—afterall, I need to bring in money to support my family. Then, I have a dog to take care of, extended family obligations, and just general house stuff to deal with. Translation: I am almost always surrounded by other people and helping everyone else get things done. It’s exhausting. I’ve noticed that if I don’t give myself a break, I will literally short circuit. It feels like my brain goes offline and I have more emotional outbursts. So, at least once or twice a week, I make room for some alone time. Sometimes this means going out to eat on my own. I’ll sit at a restaurant and read a book while I eat. Other days, it’s letting my husband handle feeding the kids while I take a long, hot bath. The time alone is a delight, but actually committing to take that time can be tough. Sometimes I have to force myself to do it, but I am never sorry when I do.” —Jill, 50
Photo by @Dro
Consider Therapy
“Seeing a shrink was never something I thought I’d do. After all, I didn’t need to pay someone to tell me I had abandonment issues stemming from my dad bailing on my family when I was a kid—I already knew that! But, over time, I started to realize I had lost control of my emotions. I’d cry like a baby watching a jewelry commercial and show outsized amounts of anger when something small went wrong at work. I was a mess! My breaking point came when I flipped out at work. A coworker took credit for something I had worked really hard on. I locked myself in a bathroom stall and quietly cried for an hour. Then, I had to sneak out of work so no one could see how upset I was. That night, I researched therapists. I found someone I felt comfortable opening up to and it has been life-changing. It’s not so much about identifying my issues, but rather she helps me come up with strategies to change behaviors that aren’t serving me. Now, I treat therapy like an important doctor appointment or a fancy boutique fitness class—I refuse to skip an appointment.” —Grace, 40
Bethany Heitman, Contributor
P.S. Remember that no matter what you're going through right now, you don't have to do it alone! There are others like you in our community, where we interact on a daily basis, fight our demons, share our victories, and watch over each other as friends and accountability partners.
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